Holding My Breath

Last week, it was confirmed that I have a small cancer in my T12 vertebrae.

This changes everything. My primary (or early) breast cancer is now classed as secondary (or advanced) and as such, it is no longer curable. Instead, the plan will be to slow down it’s growth and stop it from spreading.

These are just words and I don’t yet know what they will mean for my health – this year, next year or the ones after that. I have been told that instead of chemotherapy, the treatment is now hormonal therapy. This sounds much milder, but it may be ongoing. Until I start the treatment, the doctors can’t tell me what to expect from it. Everybody’s body is different.

For me the greatest challenge with this news is to accept that I no longer have any certainty of the future or of my health. I may not know how I will feel today, tomorrow or next week – emotionally or physically.

I will need support from my partner, my family and my friends. For someone who likes to do things for myself, this is really hard, but I am learning.

I know I will be in your thoughts and that lots of good vibes are coming my way. I might need to bottle them and save them up for another day.


6 thoughts on “Holding My Breath

  1. Hi there, one of your friends sent me this link and I just wanted to reach out. I am currently in treatment for a DCIS with an invasive component. And I am also a very independent person who had to ask for help and support, which was so hard and so humbling. Sadly I didn’t get it from some of the most important people in my life, which has been heartbreaking, but I hope your group stand up. My aunt has also just gotten her third diagnosis. Results in today but I haven’t heard from her yet. This is such a rough roller coaster to be on, and I was so sad to hear this news today. I endocrine therapy works for you. And if you ever need an ear, someone who has a vague understanding of what you’re facing, I’ll get our mutual friend to pass on my contact info.
    Wishing you only the best possible outcomes. Xxx


  2. Hi Amanda

    I thought that I would stop by your blog and see how you’re going. I’m sorry to hear of this latest news, as well as the terrible treatment by NiB. I’m sending you some more good vibes to add to those you’ve already bottled and saved…

    Thinking of you and Jen

    Tom xo


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